Another Christmas Special, another Steven Moffat one, only this time with Peter Capaldi in the driving seat. The Twelfth Doctor has four Christmas Specials, and they have a 50% success rate for me. Twice Upon a Time I’ve mentioned before – it falls flat because it doesn’t have an interesting enough story to tell, as well as poor characterisation of the First Doctor, and I’m sad to say Last Christmas doesn’t do it for me either. If it had actually been Clara’s last story, as it was so obviously meant to be, we’d probably get on famously & I’d think it a classic; as it is it has more endings than Return of the King, which sadly undercut everything. So that leaves The Return of Doctor Mysterio – which has Capaldi at perhaps his most effervescent in the role, and is a story I really enjoy – and this one.
If you’ve been paying attention to the rest of the list, or if you know my opinions of old, you’ll know that I’m not actually a big fan of River Song. The concept of River – the person that knows the Doctor backwards through their timeline – was sound enough, but it did sadly lend itself to overuse: which is exactly what Moffat did. And no disrespect to Alex Kingston, but her portrayal of River became smugger and more insufferable as time went on. I mean that – when you think about it, having River be her most insufferable when she first meets The Doctor and then become more & more likeable as she spends time with him actually works, so kudos to Kingston for that.
But Moffat is not a man who can let a good idea lie, and so he insisted on bringing her back. Again. And again. And again; and for me, with a very sharp law of diminishing returns. If there were one or two stories with River throughout the era then I may be happy with that; but to entine her so much with The Doctor, by making her his wife & the daughter of Rory & Amy; well I found that really off putting. So come the Capaldi Era I was perfectly happy with the idea that I would never see River again.
And then Moffat pulled this episode on me.
For the most part, this story goes like any other one. The Doctor lands somewhere, River Song turns up; high jinx ensue & everyone goes home happy. The real gold in this episode is the last 20 minutes or so, but there’s still a lot to enjoy before we get there. And by “a lot” I don’t just mean Peter Capaldi: but he does make up the most of it.
Capaldi is a mercurial talent, probably the best actor we’ve had in the role of The Doctor so far; coming on the heels of Matt Smith & David Tennant, that’s saying something. While his Doctor is widely regarded within fandom, it wasn’t so popular with Doctor Who’s arch-nemesis: The Casual Viewer. And you can see why: it’s not just an age thing, going from two Hollyoaks-style pretty boys to someone more craggy, but in the persona too. The Twelfth Doctor is gruff, acerbic and his sarcasm can border on snide. As he asks himself “Am I a good man?” throughout Series 8 we tend to answer “Yes you are, but you’re also a bit of a twat with it, mate…” He starts off very much as Doctor Who played by Malcolm Tucker in S81, and if he softens somewhat going into S9, it’s not until post-Hell Bent that he really comes to life – ie this episode.
Not that there’s been much room for fun so far. S8 is Moffat’s “Horror Story” season & S9 spends a lot of time exploring the consequences of The Doctor’s actions, as well as the toxic relationship between him & Clara – it’s no surprise that without her he’s also able to kick back & have some fun, but again – Robot of Sherwood notwithstanding2 – fun stories haven’t been on the cards for this Doctor.
And so to Mendorax Dellora, where we find The Doctor in full Victor Meldrew/Scrooge mode, sticking his head out of the TARDIS with antlers. Reunited with River, we then get to turn the tables: we’re used to River knowing more about The Doctor than she does about him, so it’s hilarious when it’s his turn. Not as hilarious as when The Doctor gets to pretend he’s going into the TARDIS for the first time, though: a standout scene where Capaldi rinses the dialogue for every cent it’s worth. Before that we have a fantastic scene with The Doctor as he’s being mistaken for Hydroflax’s surgeon, and following it we get the equally fantastic starship dining room scene. There’s a real sense of The Doctor just enjoying himself, having a carefree adventure and having fun. With the introduction of Matt Lucas’ Nardole (totally comic relief here & pretty one note, with better times to come) it’s all so-far-so-rom-com-heist-movie.
And then it all changes.
As River stands and rages her defiant love for The Doctor in the face of her captors, she finally realises who she is. It’s a perfect demonstration of what River means to The Doctor, and he to her; that he will always be stood there right next to her when she needs him, despite what she thinks. In that moment all River’s smugness & bravado is stripped bare, her guard is fully down & in he comes with a smile and two words – a phrase that is usually nails-down-the-blackboard-in-Jaws to me, but right here, right now is utter, utter perfection:
“Hello, Sweetie…”
Capaldi’s delivery is one thing, but Alex Kingston’s reaction is another. Every emotion breaks like waves on her face, before she settles back and becomes River again, and leads The Doctor in their escape. The back & forth as they bicker over who will land3 the ship is again delightful, until The Doctor sets up that perfect last night together for them, and we (and River) realises that this is the last adventure we’ll have with her. It’s a beautiful, poignant end to their relationship, so perfectly written and performed, even I’m moved. To start off with a romp & end with this is just sublime.
River’s first meeting with The Doctor should be his last, and so Let’s Kill Hitler should really have been the end of the River Song story – and I would have been perfectly happy with that at the time. But my word, I would not swap this story for anything; I would not want to lose out on that perfect ending for her,the chance to see her paired with Peter Capaldi. It’s such a happily ever after it makes my heart sing.
COMING TOMORROW: “It’s down there, in the darkness, in the pipeline, waiting….”
Skies Full of Diamonds 