So here it is then. The Top Doctor Who Story of all time. The Happiness Patrol. I can hear the snorts of derision and howls of disagreement from here. How can I possibly put The Happiness Patrol at the top of this list?!?! Easy answer: Because this is my list.
The Happiness Patrol may top your list as well, but the overwhelming probability is that it won’t. And that’s fine: how dull would life be if we all agreed on everything? So what would it be then? Whatever it is I can guarantee that it won’t be a 100% unanimous pick. Doctor Who fans are notorious for not being able to agree on a single thing1, and that’s because everything is subjective. There is no objectively good or bad episode of Doctor Who – no matter how many 5 hour long YouTube videos you make claiming otherwise – there are just stories you like or dislike to a greater of lesser degree. What works for you won’t necessarily work for me or vice versa; I enjoy a well plotted story more than anything, which is why Steven Moffat has appeared more times in my list than any other writer, but if characters are your thing, then you’ll tend towards RTD. I can overlook dodgy effects as long as I can see what is being intended, but if you’re a visual person then stories like Invasion of Time & Underworld will be a struggle for you, whereas they’re not for me. It’s all opinions we’re dealing with.
And so because this is my list I’m counting down, not yours or anyone else’s, and The Happiness Patrol is my all time favourite story ever, it comes top. You can either agree or disagree – but you can’t tell me I’m wrong. I can’t be wrong in liking something any more than I can tell you you are wrong for, say, not liking Flux. All I can do is tell you why I think you are wrong and hope that you can see it through my eyes – which is what I did half way through this list, of course2.
So with that in mind, why the sodding hell do I think so much of this story?!? For a whole heap of reasons, actually. The high concept storyline stands out. The idea of a colony/planet where sadness is forbidden is a fascinating one; completely unfeasible in real life, of course, but when has that ever stopped Doctor Who? It’s the sort of idea that sci-fi does so well where it holds a mirror up to our society & lets us look at the implications – this story could be an episode of Black Mirror just as much as Doctor Who.
The unrealistic nature of the story is reflected in the setting; this is a totally studiobound story, which would ordinarily work against it, but in this case it adds an otherworldly quality that accentuates the surreal nature of the tale. The sets are also a triumph, with streets you can drive a cart down, pipes and the Kavernous Kandy Kitchen particularly standing out. The sets and the concept of this story make it one that I could see being staged in a theatre3.
And so there is a theatricality about it – but again, that just adds to the charm. The Kandyman, the MVP of this story, is as camp as the fields of Glastonbury and totally pantomime – by my god he’s amazing! The perfect symbol of capitalism gone rogue, the corporate mascot that murders for a living4… The design, the performance, everything is just amazing. For copyright reasons we will never see him again, but for three glorious episodes, three fabulous nights in November 1988, The Kandyman was king. That noise you can hear now is a certain set of fans grinding their teeth: the fans who were still at school, loved Doctor Who and were riding on the back of Remembrance of the Dalek‘s success – and then had to go into the school yard on Thursday morning & deflect the Bertie Bassett jibes. But equally there’s those fans like me who were the perfect age for this story: if Remembrance made me a fan, Happiness cemented it.
Other characters also stand out. It’s no secret that the superlative Shiela Hancock based Helen A on Maggie T; for a story that’s supposed to be stupid and childish this one actually packs a political punch. Doctor Who trying to bring down our own government? Hardly, but it is giving it a bloody big poke in the eye with a very large pointy stick. Again, a show ostensibly for kids going out at 7:30 on a Wednesday night has no right pulling off these tricks, but we’re all better off because it has. Joseph C and Gilbert M also stand out in the latest of a line of gay power couples that goes back to Penley & Clent in The Ice Warriors
Of course the main character in this story is Doctor Who, and it’s another banger for Sylvester McCoy to get his teeth into. McCoy generally does better in his quieter moments than the big, histrionic speeches he gets in Fenric & Battlefield, and he gets a ton of them here. Consoling Helen A over the death of Fifi and explaining the need for sadness is one such moment, but the one with the snipers – “Pull a trigger, end a life” – has to be my most favourite scene of his of all time. When I had the chance to say this to Sylv in person, he modestly deflected the credit to writer Graeme Curry, but it’s nothing without his dark, brooding delivery. This is the dark side of the 7th Doctor front and centre. In fact this whole story is him at his Machiavellian best: he comes to Terra Alpha with a plan to bring down the government, and does so in just one night. This is where the idea of the vengeful god, The Doctor as a crusader and superhero5 that RTD and Moffat will lean into so much, comes from. There’s so much they borrow from Season 25 when they bring the series back, when you look at them side by side it’s not quite the quantum leap between the two than you initially think. Again, the Cartmel Masterplan has layers.
And again, I have a personal connection to this story. My eldest son was brought up with Jodie as his Doctor but has only dabbled a little with Classic Who; he loves Davros for reasons of his own, but The Happiness Patrol is a story he loves. Let’s not forget the Doctor Who is for the kids, us Big Kids are just tagging along; and any story I can sit down and watch with my son is automatically magical just because of that experience.
So there you go, there’s why I love The Happiness Patrol, and why I’ve put it top of my list. A good friend told me last week that if I put The Happiness Patrol top of my list then I’d be cancelled for sure; my response was that I’ve never been approved to start with… My opinions have always been contrary and contradictory because they’ve always been my own. Should I alter my list because of what other people think, or might think of me? No. I need to stay true to myself, otherwise what’s the point? I’ve written nearly 65,000 words in the last 70 days; what a crime it would be if all they were all words that I didn’t believe in. If I am to be cancelled then so be it; I shall diminish and go to the West, but remain Frazer Gregory.
So by all means tell me that I’m wrong – but here’s the plan. Don’t come at me with why The Happiness Patrol is a steaming turd & has no place being top of my list; tell me what you think should be instead. Love Logopolis? Then tell me why that’s your favourite. Think Talons is top? Explain to me why you think it’s great. As a wiser man than me once said, you don’t win anything by hating Doctor Who, so big up your favourite story rather than trying to tear mine down. You won’t convince me this story is rubbish, but what you might do is get me to see your favourite in a better light. Talk the Who you love: after all, this silly little show of ours hasn’t lasted 60 years now thanks to people hating on it, sneering at the rougher edges; it’s thanks to those who have loved it, continue to love it, and put that love into celebrating it. Today of all days we should be celebrating Doctor Who, nothing else.
Happy 60th Birthday Doctor Who – here’s to many more
As a final thought, thank you to everyone who has read & replied to my countdown. It’s been blast reaching out to you all with my thoughts, I hope you have at least enjoyed reading them even if you haven’t agreed with the list. Thank you for engaging :o)
Skies Full of Diamonds 